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, by Stephen Arterburn Jason B. Martinkus
Free Download , by Stephen Arterburn Jason B. Martinkus
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Product details
File Size: 2858 KB
Print Length: 226 pages
Publisher: WaterBrook (August 19, 2014)
Publication Date: August 19, 2014
Sold by: Random House LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B00ILXEY5K
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#123,445 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
This is the twelfth book (at last count) that my husband and I have read on sexual betrayal, so we have some perspective on current works on this topic during our recovery journey. After finding much edification from Stephen Arterburn's "Every Man's Battle" we were both appalled at Jason Martinkus's shallow and sometimes hypocritical chatter. He does not even address the integrity disorders and manic behaviors that cause out-of-control adultery, nor does he acknowledge the depth of sex addiction induced trauma inflicted on spouses and family members. The author's average guy tenor attributes sex addiction some type of all-purpose shame.Sensitive readers are advised to avoid sections that salaciously detail the author's exploits with too much information. His near-bragging tone comes across as he's been a bad, bad boy with a smirk. Although Stephen Arterburn's name is on the cover as a co-author, he limited his contribution to only the introduction and a brief afterword paragraph in some, but not all, chapters. This indicates that Arterburn did not endorse some chapters that reveal Martinkus's thinly veiled denial and narcissism about his sexual escapades."Shelley's Thoughts," promoted for wives as a book feature, are curiously absent from some chapters whose content probably embarrassed her. Her brief sections are printed illegibly in a sea of gray ink, suggesting that Martinkus is paying lip service to his doormat on the sidelines. Her "gray matter" offers wives some ridiculous suggestions from her experience, such as dressing in a more sexy style will make you so uncomfortable. No celebration of wives as proud, confident sexual partners here! We suspect that Shelley has a self-image crisis from her sex addict induced trauma.As some other reviewers noted, Martinkus's first nauseating comment at the end of Chapter One was that his sexual debauchery was "the best thing that ever happened" to his chump wife, in her own words. This would only make sense if she yearned for an open marriage, and the author's outrageous infidelity now permits her to cheat on him with equanimity, and without conscience. Such justification in shattering their wedding vows is pure hypocrisy.The chapter on male compartmentalization was blatantly offensive and blasphemous. The author argues that he never stopped loving his wife, and never failed in his love for Jesus during his many infidelities, including causing a lover's abortion. His "myth" of chump wives stating "He Mustn't Love Me" is not a myth! Sadly, it's true, your husband does not love you while enjoying adultery, for whatever psychotic reasons. This book is as morbidly and unintentionally humorous as the book "When Good Men Cheat." Martinkus trivializes his beliefs as a true Christian, and has consistently refused to take his marriage vows seriously during and after his infidelity. His entitlement promotes justification about men's ability to compartmentalize their lives, while women cannot. Oh, really? His own prostitutes are masters of compartmentalization.In his litany of "big myths" that impede marital recovery, the author claims that having more sex and different sexual activities with your spouse is a great myth that causes setbacks. We have found quite the opposite to be true, improving our intimate bonding with guides like "Erotic Intelligence" by Alexandra Katehakis. Ironically, Martinkus states that doing a variety of acts now exclusively with his wife caused him "triggering" episodes. This clearly indicates that the author is not nearly in recovery, still tempted by lascivious memories while making love to his spouse.We were both so turned off after reading the first half of this book that we decided to return it. Martinkus's repeated gloating about counseling troubled men "sitting in my office" suggested macho power problems, since he was fired from several other jobs. The author and his wife apparently still need intensive therapy. Steven Arterburn should take the responsibility of removing this unqualified sex addiction counselor from his dangerous position. We would assign this trash zero stars if that were a rating option.A far better resource for infidelity recovery is "Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal" by Dr. Kevin Skinner. His book is written with sensitivity, therapeutic exercises, and copious references to research. The aforementioned book by Katehakis is also very insightful.Ours is an independent reader review. We have no affiliations with, nor requests from any publishers to post book reviews.
I am the wife of a sex addict who has been in and out of recovery for the 12 years we have been together. The ups and downs of this—more downs than ups—have broken us both. My husband and I each started reading this book after our last “implosion.†I have never read anything in my life that resonated more with me than this book. Every. Single. Word. That’s why I feel gobsmacked! Jason Martinkus has clearly walked in the same shoes as my husband, and his wife the same as mine. Their story and his words of guidance are beacons of hope in an otherwise dark sea right now. I am able to see that my husband and I have clear paths forward for what work we both need to do...and my fervent prayer is that we have the strength to walk those paths.
I bought this for my husband after he confessed his sexual sin, and after we decided we were going to work through it and stay together. It is a wonderful book. I read it first and it was so helpful to me: how to understand what the heck happened to our marriage and what needs to be done to restore it and trust. I couldn't put to words what I would need and this book does that so well.
“Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back†is an excellent resource for men attempting to regain their brides’ trust after admitting to sexual integrity issues (e.g., pornography, affair, etc.). Jason Martinkus has first-hand experience with this topic, and he relates his story throughout the book. He also invited his bride to provide her insights along with advice from founder and chairman of New Life Ministries, Stephen Arterburn.The book starts by breaking down some myths relating to betrayal and recovery, recommends some “nonnegotiables of trust buildingâ€, and provides some practical tips and tools couples can use. The recovery process is not something men can do alone, and to be honest, it isn’t something that is likely to happen without a spiritual commitment to Jesus Christ. Forgiveness for sexual betrayal is extremely difficult for a wife, but thanks be to God that Jesus Christ provides the ultimate example of forgiveness. If you are not willing to invite Christ into your life, your marriage, and your recovery, I do not recommend this book.I particularly liked the Lego metaphor of building something new one block at a time. Sexual betrayal takes a baseball bat to the “sculpture†a husband and wife built, but there is hope of building something new and better if both are willing to put in some hard work. The recovery process is not going to happen overnight, but it can happen if couples can use the tools in this book to build up trust block-by-block.
This book has some really good advice that as a wife who's had her trust destroyed for 5 years straight from my husband sleeping with countless backpage prostitutes and countless bar sluts and tinder hoes, that the information would've been very helpful. If My husband was willing to do everything suggested and truly take it seriously, I have no doubt that I wouldve regained trust and security; however, I bought this hoping he'd read it and put effort and he's refused saying he doesn't have time to due to work and classes. I filed divorce for the 2nd time recently and although he once again begged me back with endless promises, hes once again gotten comfortable in his narcissistic, sex addict, pathological liar ways and there's no hope for him. This was a last ditch effort that for me failed because my husband is a piece of trash..... however, if your husband is someone worth anything at all and has the slightest bit of respect to read and apply this book, I highly recommend and think you'll appreciate it.
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