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Unsung Lullabies
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From Publishers Weekly
This empathetic self-help book argues that when couples find out that they can't have a baby, they're inflicted with an "unacknowledged trauma that leaves them feeling not only frustrated and angry, but sad, frightened, confused, guilty, overwhelmed and out of control." Having found little support for their own struggles with infertility trauma, Jaffe and the Diamonds (all clinical psychologists) co-founded The Center for Reproductive Psychology in San Diego, Calif. Here they sympathetically cover the core psychological issues of the matter, including the initial shock and denial, the persistent feelings of not being "healthy" or "normal," the relationship problems, the loss of sexual privacy, the grief and the belief that you're not really an adult until you have a child. Using their own and their patients' experiences, the authors offer many approaches to these problems: journaling, talking about infertility with your partner, practicing rituals to validate the losses, incorporating structure into your daily life and seeking out support groups and therapy. But the most important step, they say, is to recognize infertility for the trauma that it is. "Your losses are real," they explain. "Infertility does not merely represent a recent failed pregnancy, but a whole lifetime of dreams, hopes and plans that have gone horribly awry." One in ten adults of reproductive age is affected by infertility. For them, and for the friends and professionals who want to help them, this book provides compassionate insight into infertility's often unacknowledged ramifications. Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
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Review
“Must reading for the thousands of people struggling with the pain of infertility.†―Christiane Northrup, M.D.“I would HIGHLY recommend this book as required reading for anyone with infertility, all who work with infertility, as well as the families of persons with infertility.†―Marjut Herzog, President of RESOLVE, South Florida“A new, creative approach that avoids psychological and medical jargon and makes the issues accessible to any reader.†―Miriam Tasini, Professor of Psychiatry, UCLA Medical School
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Product details
Paperback: 312 pages
Publisher: Griffin; 1st edition (June 1, 2005)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780312313890
ISBN-13: 978-0312313890
ASIN: 0312313896
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
29 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#70,181 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I love how this was written from a psychology perspective. This book contains a lot of truths and good points I'd never really thought about before, such as your reproductive story, your expectations and how they differ. I felt like my feelings were validated, and there's a freedom in accepting yourself and allowing yourself to feel emotions, even the ones that you feel guilty about. Anger, depression, jealousy, etc... they're all normal. I highly recommend this book, I have read several books on infertility and I am sure I will refer to this book in the future, as it covers the entire journey.
To me, this book is a gold-standard, must-read for anyone experiencing infertility or who have friends/family experiencing it. It gave me so much more insight into a condition I thought I understood and also offered simple explanations to very complex emotions and concepts that were very eye opening to me. I read the book and then my mom also read it, so we were able to have a more informed & supportive conversation around a difficult issue. Most infertility-related websites devolve into anxious conversations of acronyms around treatment options rather than educating or supporting you or teaching you how to find peace. This book is different and INVALUABLE because it's just the opposite: it teaches you about the conditions, social & emotional ramifications, and then skills on how to deal with it, plus information on treatment options. I'm eternally grateful for this book and would recommend it to anyone.
A compassionate book that helps guide through an emotional process. It feels like listening to a good therapist who helps you understand what youre going through.
This is Bob's wife, we have suffered a few miscarriages and it hasn't been easy to process. But I bought a journal and this book which helped me to process the grief. thank you.
I chased the dream of having children for over 15 years before finally giving it up and I still harbor a lot of sadness and pain. This book was the first real "support" for what I have been through that I have ever received. As I read many of the pages it felt like the author's were writing about me--and to me. I recommend this book to anyone who has experienced infertility--it really helped me to put things in perspective, to see that I am not alone and to understand that my feelings are not wrong or shameful.
Couldn't put it down. Helpful and heartbreaking all at once.
This was an incredibly encouraging read for me. Currently in our 20th month trying to conceive and having gone through treatments, heartbreak, frustration, anger, etc., this book was so refreshing.I've read a couple other books about Infertility, but none of them really delve into the real emotion of the experience and how to cope. This book having been written by three psychologists who all went through infertility, they get into the nitty gritty of why you feel what you feel and that it's OK.The chapter about grieving the loss of what you always dreamed your "Reproductive Story" would be had me crying. Anyone trying to conceive has this image built up about how it's all going to fall into place, and when it doesn't, that dream needs to be grieved. This chapter was especially hard for me but so rewarding at the same time.The last paragraph of the book has what I think is the best description of how this book was written. They say, "Whether you are still involved in treatment, have become a parent through alternate means, or have decided to remain childfree, your infertility trauma will become but one strand in the fabric of your reproductive life. As you continue to live and rewrite your story in the times to come, we hope you will find peace."Wonderfully encouraging book. I will definitely recommend this book to any and everyone I know going through Infertility.
My husband and I struggled with IF for almost 6 years. The authors of this book were at an adoption conference a few years back; they were there to help attorneys understand just where adoptive couples were coming from in terms of emotions from infertility, etc.. My father was one of those attorneys in attendance, and he gave us this book as a gift. If I could, I would give it to every.single.person. that I meet. It helped me come to terms with my feelings and frustrations, and recognize that I really was 'normal' after all. I was especially appreciative of my family members who took the time to read it as well - I actually received apologies (for things they had said to us)from them!I currently teach a class to prospective adoptive parents, and I always recommend this book to those couples that seem to be struggling the most. I've even just had to purchase my third copy to replace the other two that haven't been returned! Thank you for such a phenominal book!
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